Recovery's First Year: Trauma or Paradise?

After years of suffering, of enduring horrible consequences and personal decline the family finally gets their wish and their loved one enters treatment. Thirty, sixty, ninety days later . . . presto . . . out they come back into the family, back to "real" life. Everything is supposed to be great, right? No . . . that is unrealistic. Well then, how about at least better? No . . . sorry. In fact, things will undoubtedly be worse. "How can that be?", everyone cries. Because the family is in the midst of a thing called trauma.

Recovery results in major trauma to the family system. The addictive family system as it came to "be" during the addiction is now undergoing change and that change is massive and traumatic. The natural result of this trauma causes things to get worse before they get better. This might seem counter-intuitive, but it is not. Thus, a normal . . . yes, normal . . . part of recovery is things getting worse.

Do newly sober addicts/alcoholics and their families need help during this time? Yes, more than ever. They are all in a very vulnerable, tenuous and precarious place. Most relapses occur during the first year of sobriety. Many families break apart during this time because they are unable to weather the changes the system is undergoing. It seems unfair, doesn't it?? To endure the pain of getting sober only to endure more pain, the possible tearing apart of the family system that was still together in the addiction, albeit hanging by threads in very dysfunctional ways . . . it's just not fair. Like it or not, it is the way it is.

What can be done? Families are encouraged to get help during this time. Notice, I said "families." Addiction is a family disease. Recovery is a family process. It is not just the newly sober addict/alcoholic that needs help here. It is the whole family . . . the children, siblings, parents, friends . . . anyone close to the addict who weathered this awful storm. Is help like this available? Yes. Contact Addiction Recovery Consulting Services to discuss the Family Recovery Program and how it might work for your family. The call is free; the potential benefits . . . priceless.

Relapse and Help with Addiction

The news abounds with stars that relapse. Most recently it was Mackenzie Philips. She is a bright, talented woman with all the trappings of success. Still, she battles this disease like so many. Relapses are always sad. Many don't make it back to health. I was contacted by a family regarding a family member who recently suffered a relapse. After a couple of weeks of thinking about going forward with services to help her they have decided that she needs to deal with some physical problems first and is getting psychological help for a divorce. Also, she has not had any "episodes" for a couple of weeks so things are "better." If they need help, they'll call again. Do you think their loved one needs help now? Do you think her alcoholism has gone away? Is it advisable to wait for another "consequence" to manifest before doing something? Do we get to pick our consequences? Do you think Mackenzie Philips picked hers? What consequence do you think it is they are waiting for? Do you think it likely they will call back or that when the next consequence manifests they will try to deal with "it" rather than the root problem which is addiction?

The disease doesn't come and go like colds do. It is a chronic condition. Sadly, the really noticeable outward symptoms can submerge when the spotlight on them gets too hot. In this case, the family will deal with the physical problems and the divorce, but not the real problem. But, the problems will appear again, usually worse than the last time. They will pop up in a different disguise, but make no mistake, the root is the addiction. It happens to those with fame and those without. Alcoholics and addicts don't get to pick their consequences. The consequences pick them. When people wait to get help they run a huge risk . . . the risk of expensive (yes, this will cost Mackenzie a pretty penny, but what the heck, she can afford it, right?), career-halting or interrupting (she's had that before), embarrassing (oh, who cares, arrests are no big deal these days, right?) consequences. But, an even bigger risk is the risk of an unrecoverable consequence. We don't get to choose. Sadly, the addict is generally unable to help themselves (that's part of the disease). When those around the addict don't see the disease or a relapse for what it is and come to their aid (not through enabling, but through professional help) it is even more sad.

Help is available. If you don't seek help through ARCS, please seek help somewhere. You and your family don't have to wait for tragic and unavoidable consequences to find you.