Recovery's First Year: Trauma or Paradise?

After years of suffering, of enduring horrible consequences and personal decline the family finally gets their wish and their loved one enters treatment. Thirty, sixty, ninety days later . . . presto . . . out they come back into the family, back to "real" life. Everything is supposed to be great, right? No . . . that is unrealistic. Well then, how about at least better? No . . . sorry. In fact, things will undoubtedly be worse. "How can that be?", everyone cries. Because the family is in the midst of a thing called trauma.

Recovery results in major trauma to the family system. The addictive family system as it came to "be" during the addiction is now undergoing change and that change is massive and traumatic. The natural result of this trauma causes things to get worse before they get better. This might seem counter-intuitive, but it is not. Thus, a normal . . . yes, normal . . . part of recovery is things getting worse.

Do newly sober addicts/alcoholics and their families need help during this time? Yes, more than ever. They are all in a very vulnerable, tenuous and precarious place. Most relapses occur during the first year of sobriety. Many families break apart during this time because they are unable to weather the changes the system is undergoing. It seems unfair, doesn't it?? To endure the pain of getting sober only to endure more pain, the possible tearing apart of the family system that was still together in the addiction, albeit hanging by threads in very dysfunctional ways . . . it's just not fair. Like it or not, it is the way it is.

What can be done? Families are encouraged to get help during this time. Notice, I said "families." Addiction is a family disease. Recovery is a family process. It is not just the newly sober addict/alcoholic that needs help here. It is the whole family . . . the children, siblings, parents, friends . . . anyone close to the addict who weathered this awful storm. Is help like this available? Yes. Contact Addiction Recovery Consulting Services to discuss the Family Recovery Program and how it might work for your family. The call is free; the potential benefits . . . priceless.

Addiction is a Family Illness

Why do I harp so much on the need to treat the entire family? Why is the family so important to me? Why do I insist upon taking the time and energy to use the Systemic Model of intervention rather than the shorter, more profitable, easier Johnson model???
Did you read about Ryan O'Neal and his son Redmond's latest arrests? These two are living examples of why the systemic model is the preferred approach. Neither of these guys get it. Are they addicts?? I can't answer that, but there is no doubt they both have a huge problem with drugs. Redmond's issue with drugs is well-known. He is on probation for drug possession for God's sake so it doesn't take a Rhodes scholar to make that connection. This happened in June, just 3 short months ago. Now this?? In addition, the anger, the violence, the ups and downs and all arounds point to a long history and pattern of drug involvement. And, I don't even know most of it.
Then there is Daddy Ryan. Even if he doesn't have his own drug issue then what's with allowing his son who is on probation for drugs to live in his house and have drugs?? Please don't go to the place where you say, "He probably didn't know about it." I don't buy that. But, IF he didn't, Daddy Ryan needs help all that much more!!!!
A systemic family workshop and the education provided would give a family like this the foundation they need to not live like this any longer. It would give them tools, resources and continued support. Instead they spend tons of money . . . far more money than a workshop, intensive follow-up and treatment would cost . . . on lawyers, bail, fines, lost wages and countless other things. This does not even begin to cover the costs that don't have a price tag on them . . . public humiliation and shame, lost freedom, damaged relationships, time in court and with lawyers.
They still have a choice. Perhaps one day they and others like them will reach out for the help that awaits them.

If you or a family member are struggling with addiction, please get help. Call today, (415) 717-3675. Service are available nationwide and abroad.

Intervention: What Role Does the Alcoholic/Addict Play?

So, the family is in agreement . . . their loved one's drinking, drugging, what-have-you . . . is out of control and they need help. They are now on the phone with an interventionist citing chapter and verse the litany of consequences that have lead to this call. And, then the following dialogue ensues:

"You are ready now to do an intervention", the interventionist states.
"Well, no because our loved one 'isn't ready'", comes the retort.
"Precisely; that is why the professional intervention. If your loved one were ready to get help you wouldn't be calling, right?"
"No, "you don't get it; he has to be willing to get help and he isn't."

If this circular thinking has you or those you know in its trap you are not alone. Many people cling to it for dear life . . . you can't help them until they are ready. The good news for families . . . . this myth is dead wrong.

The real issue is who decides when to do the intervention? Who is it who has to be "ready?"

The answers are the same . . . the family. More simply, just one individual within the family needs to be willing to lead the way. Believe me, the others will follow. The myth is that the alcoholic/addict has to be "ready"; the reality is that it is the family system that has to be ready. The alcoholic/addict will only become ready when the family is AND leads the way. Professional help is the preferred way to go, thus intervention.

You decide . . .

Intervention? What if the Family Doesn't Agree?

John's life is a mess and the family knows it. They've discussed the problems ad nauseum . . . his recent firing, wife left him, kids won't speak to him, his depression, his latest arrest . . . oh, the list goes on. Someone in the family notes his drinking or drugging. It's the problem they claim. But, the rest of the family is unsure. Is it that big? Does it have any bearing on the other problems in his life?? If so, how much? The family is at odds. One or two people think the drinking/drugging is a big problem, perhaps THE problem. Others don't agree or are unsure. What now?

Ask yourself this . . . is John's drinking ever a topic of concern or discussion in this family? Has it ever played a role in any of his problems? If so, it is significant enough to warrant consideration as the main culprit in John's life difficulties. A short phone consult can give you and your family more answers and insight. In all likelihood you will find yourselves on the same page and able to move forward in the appropriate direction. That direction may NOT be intervention, but you will do so with professional input and guidance.