Antidotes to Fear

I've been on a "fear" kick for the past few days, so I will wrap it up tonight with antidotes. Fear is a God-given emotion and will strike all of us at some time or another; that is a given. Big fears, little fears, all sorts of them. Some poor souls are naturally fear-based, living in a fairly constant state of worry. For me, real fear of any significant size is an uncommon and unpleasant emotion, one I want to be rid of sooner rather than later. So, as a solution-oriented person I've developed antidotes to fear that work pretty well and I share them with you here:

1. Be realistic about your fears ~ the acronym for F.E.A.R (False Evidence Appearing Real) can be an absolute truism. Assess how realistic your fear is; you will probably come to see that it is not as bad as you believe it to be

1. Visualize your worst fear ~ when I do this I can develop a familiarity with my fear that takes much of the power away from it

3. Develop a plan of action ~ once you visualize the fear figure out a plan of action around it; being prepared offers a genuine sense of comfort and control

4. Share you fear with a trusted and sound-minded friend or advisor ~ it is said that sharing pain/fear lessens it by half; sharing joy doubles it.

Do you have helpful tips to share? Stories of fear overcome? Thoughts? Please chime in.

There is Help ~ There is Hope

Fear: Paralyzer or Motivator

In FDR's fist inaugural speech in 1933 he spoke these famous words, " . . . the only thing we have to fear is fear itself . . ." This country was in the depths of the Great Depression, a time that people who lived through it can recall with vivid anguish. FDR talked about fear "paralyzing" needed efforts. In this sense fear takes control and the tasks that need to be done are not done. Things only get worse, compounding the fear that is already out of control. But, is fear always a bad thing? Can it be, under certain circumstances, a motivator? Are there things we might not otherwise do but for fear?

When it comes to dealing with addiction fear starts off as a paralyzer. Families are slow to take action because they are afraid of what will happen, afraid of their loved one's response, afraid of what will be required of them in the process, afraid they are making too much of the situation, afraid of losing control and the list goes on. The longer they wait to get help, the worse the problem gets and the fear escalates. At some point, the pain of the consequences from the disease reach a stage where it is unbearable and a shift begins to occur. Fear starts to turn into a motivator. Families become afraid that their loved one will hurt themselves or someone else, that their loved one will die or kill someone else. They fear the loss of another job or another angry blow-up. They fear public humiliation and embarrassment. Fear now turns from paralyzing into motivating and turns inaction into action.

As FDR addressed the problems of the country and his plans for restoration, he stated "There are many ways in which it can be helped, but it can never be helped merely by talking about it. We must act and act quickly." The same words can be applied to the disease of addiction and the need for getting help. Act and act quickly. People would not wait to end the suffering of themselves or their loved one under any other circumstances. Why with this disease?

So, when fear strikes don't get stuck in paralysis. Instead, use this emotion to your advantage . . . to motivate your family into action.

There is Help ~ There is Hope

Intervention Fears: How Realistic Are They?

Every call I receive contains many spoken and unspoken negative feelings and emotions . . . anger, doubt, sadness, despair, anxiety. The biggest one is fear, the underlying taproot of all the others. Fear of what? Well, fear of everything. Fear of what I might tell them, fear of over-reacting to the situation, fear of their loved one's response, fear of the unknown, fear of the process, fear of the cost, fear of other people in the family, fear of. . . . you name it. Are the fears real? Absolutely. If it's your fear, it's very real. The question, however, is not are the fears real, but are the fears realistic? Most of the time they are not. That is the good news.

The bad news is getting the caller to believe me. Oh, my God. When one fear is addressed the justifications for another are trotted out. Get rid of that one and another is marched forth. It's endless; way too much to go into in one blog post. So, let me address one of the biggest and most common ones; fear of their loved one's response to an intervention. He or she will be so angry they will never speak to me again . . . Or, he or she will run away, they lament. I've facilitated innumerable interventions over the years and this has never happened. Not once. Why? Because there is nothing to run away from! The interventions I facilitate are all invitational, so running away is a non-issue. As far as never speaking again . . . it's quite the opposite. They come, they speak. And, they speak respectfully, because it is a respectful process. And, they learn. In large part what they learn is that their family cares SO much for them that they faced this fear and walked through it anyway. Their family cares SO much for them they hired help. Their family cares SO much for them they put aside their lives to assemble for a 2-day workshop. Their family cares SO much about them that they risked their loved one's hate, scorn, contempt, anger, rudeness and withholding of love to intervene anyway. As the process unfolds, this becomes undeniably clear, even to someone screwed up on drugs and alcohol. The impact . . . very powerful.

Are the fears real? Yes, indeed. So is the overwhelming love of a family that would go to the lengths to put together an intervention. Are the fears realistic? No. What is realistic is the hope a family can realize when they get help.

Don't let your fears bind you . . . or worse. Reach out for help. It is there, waiting.

There is Help ~ There is Hope